Elite Eight

Alpha Brackets is down to the final 8 items to be crowned the inaugural champion of Delthood. There have been some surprising upsets so far and now that we're down to the last 8, it's almost impossible to figure out who or what is going to go all the way. So without further ado, here are the matchups to determine the champions of each bracket and the spots in the Final Four.

Chippers Bracket

12. Zach Best's Jew Gold	15. Mace Naked

As far as things around the Chapter House, one of these was a set of family jewels that the owner tried to keep hidden from everyone but somehow managed to find their way out and about around the house. The other was a set of family jewels that the owner displayed out and about around the house while everyone tried to keep their eyes hidden.

Otters Bracket

4. "I will run him over with a bus"	2. "Donut"

A spot in the Final Four from the Otters Bracket comes down to a matchup between one of the greatest stories in Delt History and an epic threat from the Chapter advisor to anyone who crossed him or the chapter. Threats of violence or finding naked pictures of the girlfriend of a guy in another fraternity on Allegheny's server? Wow, what a matchup.

Penny Bar Bracket

8. SAMS Call On Me	6. Born in the Woods

Carl's balls, which were not 10 pounds, up against one of the greatest cheers in Allegheny history. Every Delt event that meant anything was capped off by Born in the Woods. Call On Me was the perfect storm of Paravati's Eurotrash, Carl's shorts being too loose, and all the sororities happening to sit in the front rows of the audience.

Mickey's Bracket

1. Alpha Ring	3. Catacombes

Where do you even start with this matchup? Either of these could have gone all the way, but like a regional final between Kentucky and North Carolina, only one of these can move on to the final four. Which will prevail, a dark crowded place where brothers bonded and got smashed or the song that made us proud to be Delts and taught us things like what the Alphabet begins with and why Phi Delts don't need hammers.

Sweet 16: Mickey's Bracket

The Sweet 16 of Alpha Brackets is winding down and my baby still isn't born yet. Is he waiting for Alpha Brackets to get to the Elite 8 before he comes out? I don't know because I'm not a Fetus Whisperer like Brother Best. Anyways, enough about me, back to the last 2 matchups, with descriptions from Brother Fisher, whose gayoggles may have jaded some of his comments.

The Matchups

1. Alpha Ring	5. Yuengling

Did writing Alpha Ring verses causes us to drink more Yeungling or did the Yeungling cause us to write more Alpha Ring verses? Who knows and who cares? Either way this match-up pits two Delt favorites that made appearances at every formal, runout, special event, or on the way to IM Bowling.

3. Catacombes	2. Pool Table

It is fitting that this matchup features two competitors that were housed in the same room at the Delt House and were equally disgusting places. One featured dudes squeezing themselves into a dark, scary place and the other we drank in a lot. It’ll be sad to see either lose in this round.

Sweet 16: Penny Bar Bracket

The Otters bracket matchups are in the books and only 12 items remain with the chance to take home the title of Alpha Madness Champion. We move on to the Penny Bar Bracket today with descriptions brought to you by Brother Fisher.

The Matchups

8. SAMS Call On Me	5. Homecoming Miracle

Each event was shocking. Shocking. I think witnesses to either competitor in this round will never forget where they when they either say a bunch of Delts pelvic thrusting for 4 straight minutes or the most famous Penny Bar make-out session in Homecoming History. Vote carefully.

6. Born in the Woods	2. Spyros Passing Out in the Coffin at Prohibition

In The Hangover, Stu sings the following song lyric: “What do tigers dream of when they take their little tiger snooze? Do they dream of mauling zebras, or Halle Berry in her Catwoman suit?” I wonder what Spyros “I am Greek Good Luck Trying to Spell My Last Name" dreamed in his coffin? This event goes against a recently banned chant that every neighbor surround 607 Highland heard around 7:15 every Monday.

Sweet 16: Otters Bracket

With 2 spots in the Elite 8 filled, we move on to the Otters Bracket. Brother Fisher gets all the credit for the matchup descriptions in this round, and I must say, they're amazing.

The Matchups

9. "Rocket School"	4. "I will Run Him Over With A Bus"

Even though the entire chapter loves Good Ol’ Lobello, he has a violent streak in him. I lost count of the times he smacked me on the top of my head for no reason or the time he forced Chuck to eat piece of bread after piece of bread which caused Chuck to puke in the middle of dinner (Like a champ, Chuck continued with the rest of the meal). Even though no one was ever run over by a bus, I am sure Boboth wished the Professor would’ve have followed up on that common threat after his blunder on National TV.

6. "Cock Block Beagle"	2. "Donut"

Yes, the description Ian made for Cock Block Beagle was correct. I did skip getting some action to play with my new puppy; I’m gay, what do you expect (and the dog was cuter anyway). This infamous event has a tough battle against one of the best stories in Delt history in which the girl might’ve wished that night she was cock-blocked by my beagle.

Sweet 16: Chippers Bracket

After two weeks of voting, Alpha Brackets has reached the Sweet 16. Four items remain in each bracket, vying for a spot in the Final Four. With two matchups left in each bracket, we're expecting some of the closest voting yet. We hope you all are enjoying this as much as we are!

The Matchups

1. Joe Knupp's 5-Piece Suit	12. Zach Best's Jew Gold

I am not sure which brought brothers' competitive edge more: betting on the number of layers Knupp would be wearing on a given occasion or how long it would take Best to find his golden elephant that was hidden in the Delt house like a contestant of Legends of the Hidden Temple. At times Knupp would go all out and have enough clothes on his body to clothe the guy at the Meade Inn for 6 months and other times he'd only look like he spent $3,000 at Banana Republic. Sometimes Best would be like a Silver Snake and dominate the game or sometimes he'd be like a Purple Parrot and suck. Another good matchup.

3. Matt Grashoff's Voice	15. Mace Naked

Interesting matchup we have here. Grashoff's voice had the power to make girls take off their clothes while Mace's naked body made girls want to put theirs back on. Okay, well maybe that is not true in Mace's case as I personally witnessed numerous times. However, this matchup might be tricky as Grizzle's talents were on display for almost every formal chapter whereas Mace's body was on display everywhere but formal chapter.