Final Four

After months and months of me being a complete joke and not updating this thing, P-Fogs and Best's constant facebook harassing of me finally got something done. Yeah, Final Four time, bitches.

Chippers Bracket Champion	Otter's Bracket Champion
12. Best's Jew Gold	2. "Donut"

Best's Jew Gold came out of the Chippers Bracket as the most popular item in Delt lore, though unlike other "items" these were never exactly where they were supposed to be and often wound up with a National Treasure-esque scavenger hunt around the house. On the other hand, Donut was Donut, the one phrase/saying that more or less spanned generations of pledge classes and lives on in infamy on a composite. Both of these involve treasure of a sort, though the jury is still out on which search was more rewarding in the end.

Mickey's Bracket Champion	Penny Bar Bracket Champion
1. Alpha Ring	6. Born in the Woods

As WWF announcer JR once paraphrased, "MY GAWD, IS THAT THE DELTS MUSIC?!?!" as we marched across campus to do something awesome. This might be as epic a matchup as you can get. This is Stone Cold vs The Rock. This is The Undertaker vs Shawn Michaels. This is the Yankees vs the Red Sox. This is Ohio St vs Michigan. This is Duke vs North Carolina....you get the idea. Phi Delt hammers vs 10 pound balls...Bag of dog crap vs 2 coats of hair.....Thetas paying room and board vs 3 sets of muscles....Kappas getting exercise vs being raised by a bear....

Elite Eight

Alpha Brackets is down to the final 8 items to be crowned the inaugural champion of Delthood. There have been some surprising upsets so far and now that we're down to the last 8, it's almost impossible to figure out who or what is going to go all the way. So without further ado, here are the matchups to determine the champions of each bracket and the spots in the Final Four.

Chippers Bracket

12. Zach Best's Jew Gold	15. Mace Naked

As far as things around the Chapter House, one of these was a set of family jewels that the owner tried to keep hidden from everyone but somehow managed to find their way out and about around the house. The other was a set of family jewels that the owner displayed out and about around the house while everyone tried to keep their eyes hidden.

Otters Bracket

4. "I will run him over with a bus"	2. "Donut"

A spot in the Final Four from the Otters Bracket comes down to a matchup between one of the greatest stories in Delt History and an epic threat from the Chapter advisor to anyone who crossed him or the chapter. Threats of violence or finding naked pictures of the girlfriend of a guy in another fraternity on Allegheny's server? Wow, what a matchup.

Penny Bar Bracket

8. SAMS Call On Me	6. Born in the Woods

Carl's balls, which were not 10 pounds, up against one of the greatest cheers in Allegheny history. Every Delt event that meant anything was capped off by Born in the Woods. Call On Me was the perfect storm of Paravati's Eurotrash, Carl's shorts being too loose, and all the sororities happening to sit in the front rows of the audience.

Mickey's Bracket

1. Alpha Ring	3. Catacombes

Where do you even start with this matchup? Either of these could have gone all the way, but like a regional final between Kentucky and North Carolina, only one of these can move on to the final four. Which will prevail, a dark crowded place where brothers bonded and got smashed or the song that made us proud to be Delts and taught us things like what the Alphabet begins with and why Phi Delts don't need hammers.

Sweet 16: Mickey's Bracket

The Sweet 16 of Alpha Brackets is winding down and my baby still isn't born yet. Is he waiting for Alpha Brackets to get to the Elite 8 before he comes out? I don't know because I'm not a Fetus Whisperer like Brother Best. Anyways, enough about me, back to the last 2 matchups, with descriptions from Brother Fisher, whose gayoggles may have jaded some of his comments.

The Matchups

1. Alpha Ring	5. Yuengling

Did writing Alpha Ring verses causes us to drink more Yeungling or did the Yeungling cause us to write more Alpha Ring verses? Who knows and who cares? Either way this match-up pits two Delt favorites that made appearances at every formal, runout, special event, or on the way to IM Bowling.

3. Catacombes	2. Pool Table

It is fitting that this matchup features two competitors that were housed in the same room at the Delt House and were equally disgusting places. One featured dudes squeezing themselves into a dark, scary place and the other we drank in a lot. It’ll be sad to see either lose in this round.

Sweet 16: Penny Bar Bracket

The Otters bracket matchups are in the books and only 12 items remain with the chance to take home the title of Alpha Madness Champion. We move on to the Penny Bar Bracket today with descriptions brought to you by Brother Fisher.

The Matchups

8. SAMS Call On Me	5. Homecoming Miracle

Each event was shocking. Shocking. I think witnesses to either competitor in this round will never forget where they when they either say a bunch of Delts pelvic thrusting for 4 straight minutes or the most famous Penny Bar make-out session in Homecoming History. Vote carefully.

6. Born in the Woods	2. Spyros Passing Out in the Coffin at Prohibition

In The Hangover, Stu sings the following song lyric: “What do tigers dream of when they take their little tiger snooze? Do they dream of mauling zebras, or Halle Berry in her Catwoman suit?” I wonder what Spyros “I am Greek Good Luck Trying to Spell My Last Name" dreamed in his coffin? This event goes against a recently banned chant that every neighbor surround 607 Highland heard around 7:15 every Monday.

Sweet 16: Otters Bracket

With 2 spots in the Elite 8 filled, we move on to the Otters Bracket. Brother Fisher gets all the credit for the matchup descriptions in this round, and I must say, they're amazing.

The Matchups

9. "Rocket School"	4. "I will Run Him Over With A Bus"

Even though the entire chapter loves Good Ol’ Lobello, he has a violent streak in him. I lost count of the times he smacked me on the top of my head for no reason or the time he forced Chuck to eat piece of bread after piece of bread which caused Chuck to puke in the middle of dinner (Like a champ, Chuck continued with the rest of the meal). Even though no one was ever run over by a bus, I am sure Boboth wished the Professor would’ve have followed up on that common threat after his blunder on National TV.

6. "Cock Block Beagle"	2. "Donut"

Yes, the description Ian made for Cock Block Beagle was correct. I did skip getting some action to play with my new puppy; I’m gay, what do you expect (and the dog was cuter anyway). This infamous event has a tough battle against one of the best stories in Delt history in which the girl might’ve wished that night she was cock-blocked by my beagle.

Sweet 16: Chippers Bracket

After two weeks of voting, Alpha Brackets has reached the Sweet 16. Four items remain in each bracket, vying for a spot in the Final Four. With two matchups left in each bracket, we're expecting some of the closest voting yet. We hope you all are enjoying this as much as we are!

The Matchups

1. Joe Knupp's 5-Piece Suit	12. Zach Best's Jew Gold

I am not sure which brought brothers' competitive edge more: betting on the number of layers Knupp would be wearing on a given occasion or how long it would take Best to find his golden elephant that was hidden in the Delt house like a contestant of Legends of the Hidden Temple. At times Knupp would go all out and have enough clothes on his body to clothe the guy at the Meade Inn for 6 months and other times he'd only look like he spent $3,000 at Banana Republic. Sometimes Best would be like a Silver Snake and dominate the game or sometimes he'd be like a Purple Parrot and suck. Another good matchup.

3. Matt Grashoff's Voice	15. Mace Naked

Interesting matchup we have here. Grashoff's voice had the power to make girls take off their clothes while Mace's naked body made girls want to put theirs back on. Okay, well maybe that is not true in Mace's case as I personally witnessed numerous times. However, this matchup might be tricky as Grizzle's talents were on display for almost every formal chapter whereas Mace's body was on display everywhere but formal chapter.

Mickey's Bracket Round 2

We've had some great matchups so far in the 2nd round of Alpha Brackets, and the final set of matchups might be the best ones yet. As you'll remember, the Mickey's Bracket is comprised of signature Delt things,  and some of these will be almost impossible to pick between. The Mickey's Bracket was the only bracket where the top seeds all won their matchups, with the closest match decided by 7 votes (Spotlight for Letters over Flagpole). So without further ado, here we go.

The Matchups

1. Alpha Ring	8. Spotlight for Letters

We had letters on our house, but no way to highlight them. So, some jagoff would generally bring it up under Suggestions for the Good of the Chapter that we should get a spotlight for the letters, even though every pledge class to ever go through Alpha Chapter looked into getting a spotlight and discovered we just couldn't do it (unless we wanted the dude who mowed the lawn to get electrocuted when the lawn mower sliced through the power cord to the light). Oh yeah, we all could have been Theta Chis, Phi Delts, Phi Psis or Sigs, but then we looked down and saw.....

5. Yuengling	4. Snow Football

Friday evening before-dinner activity vs Friday evening after-dinner activity. Let's face it here. These were both Delt institutions. You could wreck your body and feel like crap before dinner, then go pound Yuengling in Brother Tolomei's room for a few hours and not feel anything by the time you went to bed. Saturday morning? Yeah, don't mention it.

6. The Beach House	3. Catacombes

How do you even begin to differentiate between these two? One was cold, had a dirty floor, cramped, people peed on the floor, and a place where people gathered to drink. The other was cold, had a dirty floor, cramped, people peed on the floor, and a place where people gathered to drink. Yeah...

7. Delt Rugby Players	2. Pool Table

One of these is some brothers that liked to roll around on a thin layer of green grass and get dirty with each other. The other was a thin layer of green felt where some brothers (and their girlfriends) that rolled around on a thin layer of green felt and got dirty with each other. Yep, I just double-entendred all over that shit. Um....Boom.
Also, I updated the Bracket based on the matchups that have finished thus far. >>See it here<<

Penny Bar Bracket: Round 2

The second round of the Penny Bar Bracket features matchups of some of the greatest things to happen during our time in Alpha Chapter. Some of the first round voting was close, and I fully expect this round to present even tougher decisions for you, our fellow Alpha Chapter alums.

The Matchups

1. Anthony J Lo Bello Golf Tournament	8. SAMS Call On Me

A drunken debauchery vs something that looked like a drunken debauchery even though everyone was sober? Wow, what a matchup. The Golf Tournament speaks for itself. For those that don't remember the Call On Me performance or what Carl's balls look like, it was Delts, in tights, doing an exercise video to some eurotrash that Paravati listened to. Oh, and Carl flashed approximately 2.5 sororities worth of girls.

5. Homecoming Miracle	4. Batch Pinning & Afterparty

Interestingly, both of these events involve the one and only Batch. In possibly the most epic pinning and afterparty in Delt history, in which Dr Lo Bello was in attendance at the "Panda Bear Palace" we witnessed things you would never think of, like Batch's parents playing beer pong. And as is true with all great Allegheny stories, the next one begins at the Penny Bar. Homecoming 2009. Corey Sanders. Betsy. I think the picture above (thanks to Brother Roth for having a camera on hand) pretty much tells the story. Now, the lovely couple is engaged and will have a wonderful story to tell their kids about how they met. And guess what? It didn't involve World of Warcraft.

14. Winning 2005 Homecoming Parade	6. Born in the Woods

There were a lot of epic Homecoming parades, but possibly the most memorable was in 2005 (the last year that Allegheny had floats in the parade). Generally, the mission of the Delt float was to get disqualified, and in 2005 we didn't sell anything short. John Mark was dressed in a cow suit and was "executed" with his head on a grill and covered in ketchup to "memorialize" McKinley's. The best part about it (and probably the reason there is no longer floats in the parade)....we won the parade. Damn right, cause we've got 3 sets of muscles and 2 coats of hair.

10. Best/Frese Fights	2. Spyros Passing Out in the Coffin at Prohibition

I think this conversation on Twitter between me and Steve pretty much sums up how the Best/Frese fights got to the 2nd round:

If you ask Brother Pantilierhwourhwjkfbakjfbakfhs;ufkjsakuhsktes what happened during the roast at Prohibition his senior year, he would probably tell you it went something like this:

If anyone would like to expand on any of the stories here, feel free to do so in the comments. Thanks to everyone who has voted thus far, keep spreading the word!

Otters Bracket: Round 2

The first round of the Otters Bracket saw some big-time upsets, including #16 seed "Bryan Ryan Jordan Paal, one person with 11 years of college" upset the #1 seed in the bracket, "Corey Sanders." There were a lot of stunned people out there when the Sanders quote was upset by BRJP. Here we go with the Round 2 matchups in the Otters Bracket, which is comprised of memorable quotes:

Note: I tried to include descriptions of the quotes, but as I wasn't around for all of them, if you can expand upon the stories, please do so in the comments.

16. "Bryan Ryan Jordan Paal,        one person with 11 years        of college"	9. "Rocket School"

The exploits of brothers Jordan and Paal were well known throughout Delt lore, but the one quote that encapsulated them came from Brother Feitt who once dubbed the duo "They're like one person! Bryan Ryan Jordan Paal, with 11 years of college between them." Brothers Betush, Polacek, and Boboth were on the game show Chain Reaction. Zack first embarrassed the team in the picture above where he tried to use the same word twice in the chain, guessing "Powder Keg Powder." Way to represent the fraternity, Zack. Keg Party. To cap it off, in the final round, Zack bet the maximum amount of money that he knew the word after "Rocket", which started with an S. When the second letter came up as a C, Zack could do nothing but have a stunned look on his face and stutter out "Rocket....School?" It's a game show about words Zack, not rocket science. Oh wait....it was.

12. "Let's Send This to Committee"	4. "I will run him over with a bus"

To summarize the Frese presidency in one quote? Easy. "Let's Send this to committee." Steve, I think that's more government, which is kinda the opposite of what Ayn Rand believes in, isn't it? And yes, the other picture is Dr. Lo Bello doing a Perfect Push-Up.

6. "Cock Block Beagle"	3. "Kit Thunder Plays Guitar"

I actually don't know how the "Kit Thunder Plays Guitar" story got started. But there is one thing I do know. And that is that Kit Thunder does play guitar. As for the other story, one break Brother Fisher was home and had the opportunity to go on a booty call, but opted to stay home and play with his new puppy. Yes, that's right, Fisher decided to play with a dog rather than get some. Not sure if his hookup ever found out that he was cock-blocked by a beagle, but the story spread like wildfire through the fraternity and Fisher's dog was forever after known as "Cock Block Beagle."

7. "Quixtar Isn't a Pyramid Scheme"	2. "Donut"

When Brendan and Omar decided to join Quixtar, they tried to convince others in the fraternity to do the same. Unanimously, they got the same response: "Isn't this a pyramid scheme?" to which they responded (and tried to convince us) that Quixtar wasn't actually a pyramid scheme, even though its parent company (Amway) was being sued for being a pyramid scheme. The Donut story might be one of the most legendary stories in the history of Alpha Chapter and I'm not sure if I can do it justice. Basically, in the days when Allegheny had unprotected local servers, one of the brothers found illicit photographs of someone's girlfriend from another fraternity on the server. When speaking in public about this person, the code name "Donut" was used, along with a hand signal that came from when Brother Abrams signaled for someone to get him a donut at 100 Items.

Happy voting! If anyone would like to expand upon any of my stories/explanations, feel free to do so in the comments.